I am recognizing that I am struggling with what may be irreconcilable "pressures." My desire has grown over many years to put God and prayer and spiritual growth before everything else, and that includes time each day in silence, seeking to hear more than to tell God. Yet I keep observing myself rushing around, often driven by anxiety and feeling pressure to do more, be more, have more (credentials, knowledge, approval, as well as "stuff"). I had an image yesterday that led to today's title, of a monk (or monks) rushing around trying to Get Things Done--it made me giggle, but it also made me stop and think.
In the online course I took earlier this year, Brene Brown says "the opposite of living in the present is busy," and muses about what it would be like to live on a human scale instead of constantly pushing to live beyond it, in ways that are not sustainable for human beings. Kind of radical, countercultural kind of thinking--which would require a lot of choosing and saying no to things that push me beyond human scale. But I really want to live in the present and to be present.
I am hearing in prayer that I must slow down in order to be who God is creating me to be, let my time for being in God's presence not be overwhelmed by the pressure to Get Things Done, especially for my boss. This is particularly challenging because I have a "part-time" job working for someone whose rhythm is: have an idea, do it yesterday, and always have more going on than can possibly get done. But I am also becoming more aware of what feels like damage to my soul and body and calling each time I get caught up in the "rat-race"--and I'm only working part-time. OK, God, I can see we're going to be working on this together a LOT, and I'm depending on you to guide me in how to navigate these streams going in opposite directions.
No comments:
Post a Comment