Centering in God 8/6/10 Praying for Meesha
August 6, 2010 I am feeling the need to stay quiet today, and grateful for the freedom to do so. Aware of being part of large circle of intercessory prayers being lifted up around the world for 3-year-old Meesha and her parents, Jerusha and Moses, as Meesha starts chemotherapy today for aggressive cancer. The doctors don’t think the prognosis is good, but I am putting much hope in God’s love for this family and the praying community surrounding them. Last night in prayer I found myself praying the “why, God?” protesting prayer. I needed to pray it because it was really on my heart, because I could not get to the other side of it until I was honest with myself and God. This morning by God’s grace I can pray with a little more trust, for healing, courage, and God’s unceasing care for this family.
God, please surround Meesha with your healing love and help her bear the discomforts of her treatment as she is held in the love of her parents. Sustain them in hope and courage as they watch by her side. Guide the doctors and nurses and technicians to tender and inspired care. May all of this become a witness to your love and power to bring good out of what seems so malevolent. You are our source of hope and steadfastness in prayer, and we give you thanks for being our loving God.Centering in God Thursday 8/5/10 Distractions
August 5, 2010 I have been very distracted the past three days by a work situation that required me to be more less on call. Now that the “crisis” is over, I am back in a time of some flexibility and reflecting on what I’ve been doing (and not doing). How quickly I let go of my priorities (centering in God and self-care) and let work take my life back over! I’m not beating myself up over this, just observing and grateful to have had the time today to sit in silence, pray, and journal.
I also was reminded as I got up very early each day, how hard it is to choose between just a little more sleep (when I haven’t had enough) and taking time for prayer before I meet the day’s responsibilities. Usually I have enough flexibility to be able to choose time with God and not feel sleep-deprived–but many people have so many demands that they rarely have time to relax, let alone sit quietly to pray. As I did the past three days, any praying has to be done on the go. And I know God hears and responds to all prayers, those lifted in silence and those lifted in the midst of many distractions. I feel more appreciative of the time and flexibility I have now, and prayerful on behalf of those who don’t feel they have time for silence to hear God but must listen as they meet many responsibilities. I’m glad God doesn’t get distracted!
Centering in God 8/6/10 Praying for Meesha
August 6, 2010I am feeling the need to stay quiet today, and grateful for the freedom to do so. Aware of being part of large circle of intercessory prayers being lifted up around the world for 3-year-old Meesha and her parents, Jerusha and Moses, as Meesha starts chemotherapy today for aggressive cancer. The doctors don’t think the prognosis is good, but I am putting much hope in God’s love for this family and the praying community surrounding them. Last night in prayer I found myself praying the “why, God?” protesting prayer. I needed to pray it because it was really on my heart, because I could not get to the other side of it until I was honest with myself and God. This morning by God’s grace I can pray with a little more trust, for healing, courage, and God’s unceasing care for this family.
God, please surround Meesha with your healing love and help her bear the discomforts of her treatment as she is held in the love of her parents. Sustain them in hope and courage as they watch by her side. Guide the doctors and nurses and technicians to tender and inspired care. May all of this become a witness to your love and power to bring good out of what seems so malevolent. You are our source of hope and steadfastness in prayer, and we give you thanks for being our loving God.
God, please surround Meesha with your healing love and help her bear the discomforts of her treatment as she is held in the love of her parents. Sustain them in hope and courage as they watch by her side. Guide the doctors and nurses and technicians to tender and inspired care. May all of this become a witness to your love and power to bring good out of what seems so malevolent. You are our source of hope and steadfastness in prayer, and we give you thanks for being our loving God.
I also was reminded as I got up very early each day, how hard it is to choose between just a little more sleep (when I haven’t had enough) and taking time for prayer before I meet the day’s responsibilities. Usually I have enough flexibility to be able to choose time with God and not feel sleep-deprived–but many people have so many demands that they rarely have time to relax, let alone sit quietly to pray. As I did the past three days, any praying has to be done on the go. And I know God hears and responds to all prayers, those lifted in silence and those lifted in the midst of many distractions. I feel more appreciative of the time and flexibility I have now, and prayerful on behalf of those who don’t feel they have time for silence to hear God but must listen as they meet many responsibilities. I’m glad God doesn’t get distracted!
July 30, 2010
I am reminded today that the business of taking care of myself (body, house, car, money, etc.) is more important than I usually want to recognize in being available and present for whatever God wants me to do. I have spent an awful lot of my life living in my head. I woke up pretty anxious very early this morning about my annual physical and realized in prayer that this was spilling over from anxiety about money. So after my physical (everything looks good, thank you, Lord), I spent some time today paying bills and asking questions and thinking about how to organize my own business needs. There are still so many unanswered questions about what I am going to be doing and how I am going to be earning enough money to meet all of my obligations, but today I have enough and I have at least a little more clarity about how things stand. Sometimes anxiety is me not trusting God, and sometimes I think it may be God pointing me toward something I need to pay attention to. How do I know the difference? A lot depends on whether the anxiety is spiralling outward to more and more areas of my life and escalating in intensity, or whether it is spiralling inward toward finding my center in God again. It takes some time and some prayer to distinguish between these, but I am learning to step back and see where the anxiety is coming from and going toward.
Centering in God While Moving Fast Thursday 7/29/10
July 29, 2010Today started with realizing I needed to get to the office (still working part-time) ASAP to deal with crunches in a big project we must finish no later. So my nice little routine of sitting still in prayer and doing yoga and journaling could not happen today. I reminded myself that I could still be centered in God even as I moved my feet.
I remember a wonderful story that Gerald May (one of my mentors at Shalem) used to tell, about when he was first getting serious about meditating, and was out on the deck late one afternoon. Inside, his wife was preparing dinner while their five children were being rambunctious as children can be late afternoon. Suddenly, the door popped open and a half-frozen fish came flying out in front of him. “Contemplate THAT!” his wife said. So sometimes prayer time has to be fitted around responsibilities to other people–like mine, today. I am aware that many people rarely have the opportunity I do to choose (most of the time) to spend my first hour in spiritual disciplines, and I feel gratitude today that God has kept me in God’s radar even though I could not spend quiet time today.
I remember a wonderful story that Gerald May (one of my mentors at Shalem) used to tell, about when he was first getting serious about meditating, and was out on the deck late one afternoon. Inside, his wife was preparing dinner while their five children were being rambunctious as children can be late afternoon. Suddenly, the door popped open and a half-frozen fish came flying out in front of him. “Contemplate THAT!” his wife said. So sometimes prayer time has to be fitted around responsibilities to other people–like mine, today. I am aware that many people rarely have the opportunity I do to choose (most of the time) to spend my first hour in spiritual disciplines, and I feel gratitude today that God has kept me in God’s radar even though I could not spend quiet time today.
Centering in God Wednesday 7/28/10 Breathing!
July 28, 2010Today will be quite busy (well, busier) and I noticed that I needed to keep reminding myself to breathe, both durimg my yoga routine and during my prayer time. During yoga I kept starting to do the stretches without paying attention to the breathing instructions. What a difference it made, in my muscles and in my awareness of my body, when I stopped and inhaled and exhaled with the movements. I don’t think I had noticed that I often start to breathe very shallowly when I begin to feel pressured by what needs to be done, nor what that does to my whole being. Today I pray that God will guide me to a pace that allows me to keep breathing deeply and allowing myself to stay present to my body more.
Centering in God 7/27/10 Body Centering
July 27, 2010 So I was able to pray first thing this morning after yesterday’s lesson about not doing anything before my prayer time. Today I sat at my desk with my journal open, although I didn’t write anything until after my prayer time. What is clear to me today, in prayer and since then, is that it is time to find ways to include my body more intentionally in my spiritual life. I have begun doing a little yoga routine and am trying to make healthier choices about nourishment (physical, emotional and spiritual). But for the past several hours, while I have been managing duelling crises for work by phone and email, the faster my mind has been going, the slower my body has been moving. I am trying to listen to my body, instead of just treating that part of me as a vehicle to carry my head, and the past few days I am hearing SLOW DOWN. Today I am hearing this at several levels, in prayer, in my body, and in thinking about how to use time in a God-centered way. I have known for a long time that I need to allow time for transitions (from work to home, especially). I thought that was mostly a mental thing, but I suspect there is more to it. I don’t have any clearer sense than that I need to keep listening. How do you include your body in your spiritual life?
Centering in God Monday 7/26/10
July 26, 2010Some days I am just more scattered than others! I did get my prayer time but it took a long time for me to get there. I usually try to do it first thing when I wake up (after my little morning yoga routine), but this morning I needed to take out the trash, then a bunch of phone calls, then….you get the picture. I’m glad God is not holding God’s breath waiting for me to get centered! This will help me learn to put prayer time ahead, when I can…but I do know that some days are just going to be like this.
Centering in God Friday 7/23/10
July 23, 2010I woke up so full of joy and energy this morning, I could hardly sit still for my prayer time. I realized that so far I have written mostly about challenges to centering in God. Today I celebrate the utter bliss that comes sometimes–at God’s discretion–in being in relationship with God and in putting God first (well, seeking to, anyway!). Today, I am aware of the Source of Love in an intimate way. From the ecourse I am taking on Celtic spirituality (http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/), here is a quote from John O’Donohue (an Irish priest/poest/philosopher) that describes what I am feeling:
“There is within each of us, at the soul level, an enriching fountain of love. In other words, you do not have to go outside yourself to know what love is. This is not selfishness, and it is not narcissism; they are negative obsessions with the need to be loved. Rather this is a wellspring of love within the heart. . . .” (from Anam Cara)
He does emphasize that includes the “beautiful but difficult spiritual work of learning to love yourself,” which I understand as mirroring the truth 1 John 4:19, “we love because God first loved us.” How do I dare not love myself whom God loves? Well, some days it is easier than others, and I know God is not finished with me yet….stay tuned.
I do want to ask any of you who read these blogs as I am getting started, if it feels right with you and not a burden, to let me know if this is helpful to you at all. I would really like this to become a collaborative process among us as we seek this centering in God on a daily basis. My thanks to those who have commented so far, I hope to hear from more of you over the next weeks as I continue to share what is happening as I try to return to Center.
“There is within each of us, at the soul level, an enriching fountain of love. In other words, you do not have to go outside yourself to know what love is. This is not selfishness, and it is not narcissism; they are negative obsessions with the need to be loved. Rather this is a wellspring of love within the heart. . . .” (from Anam Cara)
He does emphasize that includes the “beautiful but difficult spiritual work of learning to love yourself,” which I understand as mirroring the truth 1 John 4:19, “we love because God first loved us.” How do I dare not love myself whom God loves? Well, some days it is easier than others, and I know God is not finished with me yet….stay tuned.
I do want to ask any of you who read these blogs as I am getting started, if it feels right with you and not a burden, to let me know if this is helpful to you at all. I would really like this to become a collaborative process among us as we seek this centering in God on a daily basis. My thanks to those who have commented so far, I hope to hear from more of you over the next weeks as I continue to share what is happening as I try to return to Center.
Centering in God Thursday 7/22
July 22, 2010“Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.” Psalm 86:11.
I want so much to live centered in God, and sharing the process every morning is helpful to me. It reallyis challenging to make this my focus in a world which worships so many different deities, like money, power, prestige, knowledge. Today I felt a lot of distractionin prayer time by questions about money and how much I should be concerned about “safety net” things like long-term disability insurance. I want to trust God but is this one way God is providing for me or an unnecessary expense out of fear? I don’t have any way of knowing if I will need it, but I don’t want to become a burden for others…. I will gather more information and continue to pray about this, trusting God for clarity.
I want so much to live centered in God, and sharing the process every morning is helpful to me. It reallyis challenging to make this my focus in a world which worships so many different deities, like money, power, prestige, knowledge. Today I felt a lot of distractionin prayer time by questions about money and how much I should be concerned about “safety net” things like long-term disability insurance. I want to trust God but is this one way God is providing for me or an unnecessary expense out of fear? I don’t have any way of knowing if I will need it, but I don’t want to become a burden for others…. I will gather more information and continue to pray about this, trusting God for clarity.
Centering in God Wednesday 7/21
July 21, 2010I noticed this morning that I was feeling very resistant to even the thought of becoming centered in God. I know from past experience that this means my ego is feeling threatened, sometimes by more intimacy with God than feels comfortable, sometimes because “I” don’t want to do something I believe God wants me to do. If the latter is the case, either God will bring me through to the other side of the resistance (growing me in the process), or I will discover that what I thought was God was really my overactive brain “shoulding on” me. I have learned to sit patiently when the resistance happens, accept that this is part of being human, and trusting God’s steadfast love. Today as I have been sitting with the resistance, I am feeling the need to stay very quiet for as long as I can. My ego wants me to be anxious about many things (“mustn’t be lazy” “what about _____?” “things will fall apart if you’re not there”), but there is a part of me that trusts the energy and the will to act will return in God’s time.
Centering in God Tuesday 7/20/10
July 20, 2010Sitting in silence this morning I became more aware of the many walls I have constructed as part of my survival mechanisms, and of how they are getting in the way. I have been aware that I used these walls to keep risks (of being hurt, offended, or rejected) at a “safe” distance; this morning I also noticed that I have used these walls to keep in love, desires, hopes–where I won’t have to do anything about them, including feel them! And although I know many of the walls have come down already, I alternate between wanting to keep the rest and wanting to demolish them, probably violently. But I know that I must let God take down these walls and make me ready for them to come down. I am reminded of the un-dragoning in C.S. Lewis “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” where Eustace, the obnoxious cousin, became a dragon by sleeping on a dead dragon’s hoard with greedy thoughts. He has tried unsuccessfully three times to remove the dragon’s skin so that he may become human again…but Aslan (the Christ figure) says “You must let me do it.” And although Eustace is terrified of the lion’s teeth and claws, he knows there is no other way, so he lets Aslan tear the ugly, thick, knobby skin away–as much as it hurts, it is also effective, far more than his efforts. So today I am trying to let God remove any walls that stand between me and the world God loves so much, trying not to get in the way, trying not to say, OK, let me do it, God. Trying to be very gentle with myself in the process, because underneath those walls, I, like Eustace, am a bit raw-skinned and more tender without my protective coverings….
Centering in God Monday 7/19
July 19, 2010Some days, like today, centering in God means accepting that my headache will only go away if I stay quiet and mostly in the dark. This tries my patience until I accept that this is what I need AND that God can take care of the world without me (smile/wink).
